CLEAN UP:

STEP 39

This step is not asking us to make amends, only

become willing. We ask our Higher Power for

willingness because we can’t do it alone. We are

being asked to change our heart.

 

We ask our Higher Power to help us drop our defenses and protective clothing. We have the strength to take care of ourselves in a new way. We feel the presence of our Higher Power as we ask for our needs to be taken care of.

 

We also ask for self-forgiveness. We can’t make amends to anyone else until we have forgiven ourselves first. We don’t find this easy because we have been ruled by our self-judgment and harsh criticism even if we were victims of another’s abuse, abandonment or neglect. 

 

Self-forgiveness is hard because we have not been privy to others’ forgiveness of us. We learned to punish ourselves instead. Now we must take on the mantle of chief forgiver starting with tiny steps. We ask for the strength of our Higher Power to help us move towards this healing.

 

It’s easier for us to stay in resentment and fire fighting because of all the people who harmed us. We would feel entirely justified to keep feeling the victim, but being in this place is not helpful. Even when the most awful things happened to us as children, we can begin to see that becoming willing to forgive helps us move forward.

 

We could stay hurt and injured in our cave but we would be the ones who miss out on the joy of life while the original perpetrators enjoy their life without us. It’s time to open our hearts.

 

With this forgiveness comes grieving; saying goodbye to the life we wish we’d had. We are not here by accident, but by design. It’s time to transform our losses into good lessons on how to reclaim our power, our self-love and our lives. We were born whole and this is a pivotal point at which we can integrate our losses and turn them into hope and a life without fear.

 

We want to stop being victims and open our hearts to the lessons we are learning. Fundamentally, our relationships with others are mirrors to the relationship we have with ourselves. Once we stop focusing on others’ needs and problems, we see that what’s left is the relationship we have with ourselves.

 

We have been blocked from receiving love from our Higher Power because we’ve been more interested in running others’ lives and controlling how we think they see us. We are unavailable for intimate relationships when we think we know what’s best for another person. This was born in our dysfunctional family and now is the time to change that into peace and honesty.

 

EXERCISE:

 

Every morning we pray to our Higher Power to make us willing to forgive others and ourselves. We open our hearts and share our fears with the knowledge that we have the courage to change

Become Willing

To Make Amends